Mantle of White
by pandorabox82
Summary: B'Elanna feels overwhelmed by the constraining pattern her life has become. Will a visit to her former captain be able to help her see thigns for how they are?


They had been back in the Alpha Quadrant for four years when B'Elanna found herself decidedly bored with her life in Starfleet. It seemed like everyone was so focused on rebuilding after the Dominion War, and there was no focus on exploration and discovery, but rather rebuilding and healing. Which was all well and good for those who had lived through that war, but for her, and Tom, and the others, it felt so hollow. Or maybe she was just projecting her feelings on everyone else. It was hard to know.

"Are you really leaving San Francisco and us this close to Christmas?"

Looking up from her bag, she let out a deep sigh and nodded. "This is something that I need to do, Tom. I need to get this out of my system, or I'm never going to feel settled. This is for us."

He frowned as he stepped closer to her, reaching out to run his hand along her hair as he let out his own strained sigh. "I know that you keep saying that, but it still feels like you're leaving us behind."

A small spark of anger flared up in her chest, but B'Elanna tamped it down, since she knew that she was reacting irrationally to his feelings. "If it will help you, I will make a bloodoath to return home to you, once I have the answers I'm seeking. It shouldn't take too long, and then I'll be home." Leaning in, she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before zipping her bag and shouldering it. "Trust me, Tom."

"I do." He gave her a soft smile before giving her a gentle kiss. "I just don't want to see you go."

"I really must go."

"That's a line from an old Terran Christmas song, you know."

"I do," she replied before chuckled lowly. "Maybe I'll be home for Christmas, maybe I'll find my answers. Maybe Miral won't even notice that I'm gone, if you fill her days with excitement and wonder." She kissed her husband once more before taking a few steps towards the door. "Now, if I'm going to make my transporter reservation, I need to leave now."

"All right," Tom replied softly, following her out of the bedroom. She smiled a little as she stepped into Miral's room and went over to her bed, where she was napping. Bending down, she pressed a tender kiss to her daughter's ridges, smiling as Miral groaned and shifted in her sleep, flopping over onto her side.

It was difficult to leave her husband and daughter, but she knew that in the long run that it would be better for them all. B'Elanna had been surprised, though, that Tom had chosen to stay at home with Miral rather than accompany her on the five minute walk down to the transporter station. After all, their daughter would be safe inside, and couldn't get into any trouble while they were away. Sighing deeply, she got into line, awaiting her turn.

Finally, she was being transported across the country to Indiana, where she knew her former captain had put down roots. That had been another surprise, that their fierce, active, captain had taken a small sabbatical after their return to try and sort out her life. Of all people, Kathryn Janeway should have had that on a lock. Adjusting the bag on her shoulder, B'Elanna made her way out of the transporter station, only to find herself shivering with cold. "Didn't you think to bring a coat?"  
The gravelly, familiar, voice caught her attention, and B'Elanna turned to look at the woman she had just been thinking of. "Did Tom call you, then? I made him swear to secrecy, since I wanted this to be a surprise."

"Or did you just want me to not refuse you, and make you return to your family for the holiday season?" As usual, their former captain cut right to the bone of things, and she nodded sheepishly as she accepted the coat that Janeway held out to her. "Since you're already here, I won't send you back right away. Especially since this seems to be important to you."

"It is," she replied as they walked outside. Janeway led her towards a small hovercar, and B'Elanna let out a low whistle as she slipped inside. "I guess I should have checked to see what the weather was like before I came."

Snowflakes struck the windscreen as they got underway, and she shivered unconsciously, hoping that the vehicle would warm up quickly on the drive to Janeway's home. There were snowmen in front of a few of the houses they passed, and she smiled to see how intricate some of them were. "Miral would have liked to see these, you know. Has she seen a proper snow yet?"

"No, but that hasn't been from Tom's lack of trying."

"You should have brought them along, then, B'Elanna."

"Captain…"

"Kathryn. Since we're going to be spending some time together." B'Elanna nodded again, feeling like her cheeks were on fire from the scrutiny that Janeway was giving her. "If you had brought Miral, she could have gone sledding, too. I still have the sled that I used when I was her age."

"All right, fine! I'll call Tom as soon as we get to your house and have them join us!" The angry explosion just happened, and she heard Janeway sigh a little before she reached out to touch B'Elanna's hand. "What?"

"I didn't realise that you were this unhappy."

She let out a scoff. "I'm perfectly content with the life we've carved out here in San Francisco. I mean, who wouldn't be? Everything is so nice." B'Elanna truly hadn't meant to sound so sarcastic, but it seemed that the bandage had been ripped off the wound that had never fully healed, and everything was just spewing out of her uncontrolled.

"B'Elanna, is this why you came here alone?" Suddenly, all her defenses fell away a she slumped in her seat, watching the snow-covered land speed past them. "You can talk to me. I think that I might understand more than you realise."

"I was hoping you'd say something like that." She let that statement hang in the air between them as the ride continued, not speaking again until they had reached Janeway's house. "This is exactly what I needed," B'Elanna murmured as the hatch opened and she jumped out, shouldering her pack and heading for the porch. Janeway seemed to take her sweet time joining her, however, and B'Elanna soon found her teeth chattering as a cold wind cut through her body.

"The door is unlocked, you can head right in." There was a teasing tone present in Janeway's voice, something she hadn't heard in years, and she turned her head a little to give the older woman a smirk as she shook her head and entered the house. "I'll have the replicator make us some coffee."

"Still on coffee, after all these years?"

"Well, Picard is famous of drinking his Earl Grey tea. I suppose I need some defining characteristic." They both let out a low laugh, and B'Elanna found some of the tension she'd been holding inside leaving as she followed Janeway into the kitchen, dropping her bag on the table and taking a seat. "Seriously, B'Elanna, do you want to spend Christmas separated from your family?"

"No. But I had to get away from there before I did something rash. Somehow, I knew that you would understand, even if you didn't really get it." Janeway gave her a small nod as she drifted over to the replicator and ordered two coffees for them. "But thank you for not just leaving me out in the cold."

Her captain reached across the table and touched her hand softly. "I would never leave one of my crew out alone. You all still mean the world to me. After all, seven years together bonds people tighter than any blood family." The raw honesty in Janeway's voice tugged at her heart, and she smiled a little as she squeezed at that hand, somehow finally realizing that this impetuous trip of hers might not be just for her, but for Janeway as well. And she couldn't wait to see if maybe, together, they could once more find their place in the world, here with the mantle of white snow surrounding them.


End file.
